Top 5 Things I Love to See at Weddings
5. A bit of whimsy!
There is nothing that makes me smile more than couples who bring a bit of self-expression and flair to their special day. I remember how fun it was to see bouquets of stuffed dinosaurs for the bridesmaids at the wedding I officiated at a Museum of Science & Natural History. The time that one side of the wedding party dressed up in Blues Brothers’ suits, hats, and glasses was delightfully quirky. And there was the touching gesture of creating a chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) from gorgeous textiles that remained from their grandparents’ business. Whimsy is a perfect way to put your signature on your wedding.
4. Tears
Not everyone is comfortable crying in public, but I am not talking about an ugly cry. Often, there is a moment, when officiated well, that the couple gets truly present to the love they have for another, the significance of the commitment they are making, the beauty that surrounds them, and how much love and support they have in the room. I know that moment. Even when it is a single tear or the pause in speaking because one’s breath is being taken away, that becomes the sacred moment.
3. Making it Personal
I love it when couples write their own vows. To this day, I grin at the groom who promised to share all of his frequent flyer miles and I am still moved by the commitment of care one partner made to the other who lived with chronic illness. There are values that every couple should share like fidelity, compassion, and encouragement, but the more specific the better. And if you do not have vows, but instead choose a ketubah (a wedding covenant), I encourage couples to share a personal reflection about what they love about their partners. When people choose to do this, it is people’s favorite part of the ceremony because it often leads to tears. (See #4
2. Friends and Family
Sometimes because people are focused on the celebration, they make choices out of expediency to only involve the officiant. But inviting the people closest to you to read a poem, offer a prayer, or sing a song makes a ceremony a unique, fresh experience tailored to you. There are many kinds of opportunities throughout a service where a thoughtful officiant can make it seamless and meaningful.
1. Traditions is a New Way
Part of what makes a wedding beautiful is the traditions. It connects us to those who came before us. But let’s remember that we have modern sensibilities. Some traditions might look beautiful, but when we scratch the surface, we can discover that what they represent does reflect our values. I have seen couples meet in the middle and walk down together--or people adopting the Jewish tradition of having all parents accompany each partner. For me, I love ending the wedding with the breaking of the glass, not just of its historic meaning, but because of what I believe it represents spiritually. My interpretation is the perfect message to send couples off on their new lives together. What is that message? You’ll have to ask me to officiate to find out.